When you look in the mirror, what do you see? I can tell you what I see. I see a body, as real as it can be. I see two arms, two legs, facial features and everything in between. I assume that’s what people see of me as it’s what I see of other people. From the outside, looking completely healthy has its disadvantages and its advantages.
You know what? I’m not even going to go into the disadvantages of people not being able to see you’re ill because those of you that suffer know all too well what the struggles and stigmatised issues there are with invisible illnesses. So no. I’m going to focus on the positives.
The best one for me is people treat me the exact same as they would anyone else. For me, that’s fantastic! They see Carys. Nothing more, nothing less. Though I’m sure that people who know me better than a first impression may see me as more: caring girlfriend, trusted friend, untidy daughter, girl that dies her hair a lot, the arse that complains when it’s hot outside, that sort of thing. But even so, they still see Carys.
The best one for me is people treat me the exact same as they would anyone else. For me, that’s fantastic! They see Carys. Nothing more, nothing less. Though I’m sure that people who know me better than a first impression may see me as more: caring girlfriend, trusted friend, untidy daughter, girl that dies her hair a lot, the arse that complains when it’s hot outside, that sort of thing. But even so, they still see Carys.
Don’t get me wrong. I definitely have those days where I feel like utter crap and just feel sorry for myself, and want others to feel sorry for me and take it easy on me that day. I want them to know EXACTLY how I feel so they can just leave me be, or (gently) throw chocolate, painkillers and hot water bottles at me. But in a strange kind of way, I’m also glad that that is not how it is. I still have targets in my life, and if everyone, including myself, took it easy on me every time then I don’t think I’d be as strong willed and motivated as I am today.
I don’t want people to give me what I want because they feel sorry for me; I want to earn what I achieve and feel like I really did accomplish something). I don’t want people to worry about me 24/7. I don’t want to be out with a friend and them instantly freak out for me when they see a flight of stairs. As I’ve said before, it’s incredibly lovely for people to be aware of things that may be challenging and have an understanding of my capability; that really does warm my heart and make me all smushy with ‘AWWH YOU DO CARE! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’. As I heard once ‘you’ve made it through all of your worst days so far, so you’re doing great’, so a set of stairs will not be the end of me – worst case, I’ll find an elevator or a very strong person to fireman lift me (now wouldn’t that be a picture).
In a roundabout way, what I’m actually trying to say is understand who you are. Look at yourself as a person and not a patient. You are not your illness; you are strong, you are a person and you are you.
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr Seuss
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