Toilet Trouble

And again with the long hiatus. Silent periods are usually a sign that things aren’t going great, or if you want to look at things positively, they could be a sign that things are going so well that I’ve just not had the time to put something together for all of the great things I’m doing. But no, it’s the first…it’s been shit, to put it bluntly.

The bladder has decided to take centre stage as of late. Instead of complaining about the usual body aches and pains, it has been replaced with out of key groaning noises and complaints of ‘I swear it’s trying to shred its self to pieces inside me’.  It’s painful, not going to downplay it. I dread every trip to the toilet from the excruciating act of passing urine, I’m worried about long trips for the sudden urge to pee on the spot, and I can’t really plan anything with my bladder having a tantrum of ‘if you don’t find somewhere to pee now, I’m going to pee anyway’ or ‘I’m gonna let a little bit out now while you’re reading just  for the laugh’ – thanks for that bladder, you’re a pall.

This is something I’ve been dealing with for as long as I can remember. Constantly being riddled with water infections and bladder problems has been a part of my life since I was a toddler, possibly a baby but my memory doesn’t really go into my infant years, I just play off of what my mother tells me. I’ve been from doctor to doctor, from specialist to specialist to try gain some form of answers.  I thought I’d got somewhere from the 3^rd surgical procedure to take biopsy of my bladder lining... I was then diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (Painful Bladder Syndrome). This diagnosis came before the fibro in fact. Though recently, a trip to see another specialist has thrown that up in the air: ‘I don’t think it’s interstitial cystitis…’. Well thanks. Back to square one of waiting on yet another specialist appointment letter to try figure out something else.

I swear to goodness that in the health system, I feel like a hot potato. I’m constantly passed from one doctor to the next and seldom get any actual answers or relief. So far I’ve been on numerous uncomfortable treatment options for what specialists ‘think’ is wrong with my bladder, including having a catheter shoved up there every week for 10+ weeks to create a synthetic lining…which to no surprise, did not work. Doctors and the health care system can’t be blamed for my body’s lack of behaving, my health conditions don’t seem to be straight forward  and ‘the norm’ so I guess I can’t really expect treatment to be like that either. I’ve met some wonderful doctors/nurses/surgeons/health professionals in my time and I have to say I applaud you. It’s amazing the amount of time and effort they dedicate to people and I’m seriously grateful I have access to them. I need to remind myself that every time I get passed to someone else or every time a treatment fails, that it isn’t the fault of anyone – it’s just how it is sometimes.